BREAKING: Chalk Washes Off

I was a nervous child. I remember being scarred for years if I was yelled at by a stranger or if a harsh comment from an adult was thrown at me. Maybe that's why I am genuinely bothered by adults who yell at another parent's child.

I'm not saying that a kid should be able to play on a stranger's lawn or mess with something at a store. Hopefully, the parent can take care of that behavior. But if a comment has to be made, why be angry and hateful? It can be shocking to a kid. If scarring is what you're going for, good, but keep in mind that you'll also be the bad guy, the hated enemy on the block. And the news will spread that you're "mean." Kids look out for each other.

I guess this has more to do with the way a person handles a situation than the initial trigger of children playing where they shouldn't be etc. The people who yell at children without first assessing the situation are probably the same people who cut you off in traffic then shoot you a dirty look or make a fuss over a drink ix-up at Starbucks.

People like this are probably having a bad day. Maybe they've had too many bad days and it's starting to catch up with them. Their negativity spreads nonetheless. Building up a shield against it is the trick. When someone narrowly misses your car, why not jut be happy that you weren't hit? Why not let the occasional mistake of a stranger slide without blowing up over it? Small matters like that should play no role in your happiness.

So when I see a woman lose her head over young girls coloring with chalk on the sidewalk outside of her house, I am baffled. Why does it matter? Chalk comes off with the next rain. The innocent girls are not tattooing their names on her son's face.

To quote my favorite book (Slightly out of context), Terry Goodkind's Wizard's First Rule: People are stupid.

Be Happy. [A quick blurb about things]

We all feel pushed down by life sometimes. Maybe we're worrying about the future or spending a bit too much time reflecting on what we could have done in the past. Perhaps it's even dissatisfaction with the way the present is playing out.

I know that I have trouble with returning to smiles and laughs from time to time. I find that what helps me best is doing what I love, and that's writing. Writing what is important to me, that is. Latley, I've been doing just that and I already feel a billion times better.

But another thing that helps me is listing off everything I love. Last week, my list spanned four whole pages in my journal, and it included anything from seeing a loved one after a prolonged period of absence and the smell of winter in the air.

I've noticed a lot of people around me have been overwhelmed by stress. Missing the smiles on a loved ones face is painful. I just hope life picks up for the people I care about soon.

Trying to Keep Busy, but I'm too Busy Doing Nothing

I've been having a bit of a problem with the way I have been spending my time lately. I get home from school and sit on my bed. What do I do? Surf the web! (Look, I just wrote a cute, rhymey song.)

But in all honestly, I have been spending far too much time on a certain infamously time-consuming website where I am bombarded with beautiful pictures and GIFs of my favorite actors/characters. Yes, Tumblr. There are other ways to let time waste away, though. I am just very bothered by the fact that time keeps slipping away from me.

The only solution I can see here is to make myself busy again. Aside from the mythology quiz I may have failed this afternoon, school is not challenging at all. I have hardly learned anything new, and frankly, it has become a wearying pattern of boredom. My mind can't handle it any longer. I'm actually getting quite depressed, which isn't as fun as it sounds. So, some ways to keep busy:

1. Get another job. This would probably be the best choice for me since my current employment situation in a bit more rickety than the woman originally led me to believe. I'm looking for something that won't restrict me as a person because I am incredibly finicky when it comes to my time. (And why not be that way? I only have so many days left before I die.) I will be applying to small shops, but I'd prefer to find something I can control, such as cleaning, more babysitting, or even homework help for kids. I'd go for anything, honestly. Getting started in those will be a challenge, but a challege will be sure to keep me off the internet.
2. Join some sort of club. I have to do this anyway, if I want to keep my scholarship, but I kind of missed the expo because I was too shy to approach the tables. Oops. Time to try again.
3. Start a new hobby/sport/work out. I've always written, played music, and painted, but I think my mind needs a change. Perhaps a shift towards something more active would benefit me. I miss having access to a climbing gym daily, which was my favorite part about high school. Now, there's nothing to look forward to in my day, no mystery. If I started channeling my energy into something like yoga, swimming, climbing, or even running, I would feel a lot better. Still, working up the courage to go do those things is hard. I am the one standing in my way, here.
4. Volunteer work. Last fall, I volunteered at Crabtree Nature Center, and it was very relaxing. I got to spend time out in the forest and learn new things about nature. Everything about the place was serene, and I wouldn't mind going back to that at all.
5. Hang out with friends. This one is always fun, and I do this. Only my circle of friends has been largely diminished, so the time is limited. Branching out is hard for me, especially since I don't form bonds with people very easily. Still, I love spending time with the people I love, so if I do more of that there'd be less of a problem.
6. Start doing weird things again. Last week, my friend and I dressed up as characters from a TV show and went out in public. It was a lot of  fun, and it got me thinking about how I used to do sily things like that all the time. If I stay silly, I will stay happy!

Being bored all the time has me feeling a bit depressed. I'm not learning anything at school, there's no sense of mystery to my day, and I have no way to spend my energy. I'm really going to try to do a few of these things and more, and hopefully I'll pick up my optimism again!

Supernatural Season 9

I really just need to articulate my thoughts about the Supernatural season nine promo before I continue writing my poetry essay.

First of all, W H AT  T H E  H E L L ?

CASTIEL. LIKE, WOW. My poor baby is all human now. "It hurts...." <Translation: I am gasping for breath on the floor> Cas doing laundry? Cas Stripping in the laundromat? CAS STARING HUNGRILY AT FOOD? CAS GETTING HIT BY A FUCKING CAR?!?!

I cannot handle this. And then they have the gall to have CAS TALKING TO SOME BLACK-HAIRED BEAUTIFUL ANGEL WHO HAS FALLEN WOW WHAT THE HELL. I know she is gonna be the one he has sex with, and it breaks my heart. I wanted him with Meg (Shh it was a secret ship...like a submarine or something). Hell, I would even be ok with Destiel becoming canon. Not some random chick who they'll have to kill off in a few episodes because she's a random love interest. PLEASE. This makes my heart ache.

I could carry on forever about Castiel stuffing all his clothes into the washer, wearing cute new clothes, and somehow not being reunited with Sam and Dean. (It had better fucking happen within three episodes of I will throw a fit. MY BABY. HE CAN'T BE OUT ALONE AHHHHHH. Not that I underestimate him. I just love Team Free Will.)

Death and Bobby, though! And hopefully other characters, too.

But SAM IS IN THE HOSPITAL??? I've been worried about Sam for a while, and this poor baby ALWAYS has some horrible shit to deal with (but who doesn't on this show??). Seeing him in the hospital again makes me sad. And DEAN IS ALL BLOODY/??? Abaddon. Ugh. CROWLEY.

That's all I can articulate right now. If it even makes sense.

I didn't ask to be this emotionally invested in the show, okay? Blame Margaret.

The Flowers Died and Now Smell Awful.

A couple of days ago, I walked into my room. Not too exciting all on its own, I know, but there was a bouquet of wildflowers that included my favorites, sunflowers, waiting on my desk. I assumed they were put there by my mother so they would be out of the way for her cosmetics party that evening, and I never bother to thank her or even ask if that was the case.

Now, as I found them slowly molding in the vase (which emitted the most gag-inducing stench imaginable. Surprising for flowers, really), I began to wonder. Could I possibly have a secret admirer? Furthermore, could this admirer be a some sort of alien or mythical creature?

I'm hoping for the latter because, while David Tennant is attractive, aliens aren't really my type. Plus, the whole wildflower motif hints at something a bit more spiritual. Perhaps a faerie, maybe an elf? Either way, I hope he has Will Graham's face. Another part of me even dares to hope it is the angel Castiel. Theoretically, he could pop into my room unbeknownst to anyone. He could be watching me as I write this. I wouldn't be complaining. Still, something tells me he has other interests. (And now that the thing happened to him in 8x23, I doubt he could poof into my room with flowers so easily.)

I have yet to consult my mother. Hopefully she wasn't the one who put them there; that would make things boring. All the same, even if she did put them there, that's nice. Lovely, actually. Being thought of is great.

Though I am afraid the rotting-flowers smell is planning to stick around a bit longer. This is why i can't have nice tings.

Excuse me while I collect my thoughts about Castiel

"I am the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition." The famous words that turned my summer around. Not necessarily in a good way, because once I met that special angel of the lord, I didn't leave my house for a week. In fact, I--already socially inept--started absorbing this awkward celestial being's mannerisms. Oops. But what exactly is so appealing about the Supernatural character introduced in season four?

Better question: what isn't appealing about him?

 First, I'm just going to put it out there. He's cute. Yeah, cute vessel with dreamy blue eyes. But even his personality is just adorable. He's wise, old and powerful, yet he stumbles around social interaction like a chihuahua with a sock on its head.

Still, once you get past his dashing looks, he's an incredible character. His whole life, he has been told to follow orders. Obey without question. And he does (kind of...)--until he meets Dean Winchester. Castiel starts bonding with a human. (No, I won't spin off into the perilous waters of Destiel and shipping. Don't worry.) Dean teaches Cas that he can choose his own path, that he doesn't have to follow the other angels. He sticks firm to his faith in God even when it seems there is no hope.

Not only does Castiel hope, but he is constantly trying to do the right thing. Admittedly, he can go about it the wrong way. Let's come clean and say that absorbing thousands of souls from purgatory and naming yourself God isn't the best approach to things. But what other choice did he have? Raphael was looking to restart the apocalypse, undoing all the work Sam, Dean, Cas and Bobby had kind of died, nearly died, and really (briefly) died for.  All he was trying to do was save the world and his new family. He went about it the wrong way, but his intentions were good. And his end was heartbreaking.

Watching him spiral down into violent madness, then resurface and tumble into soft-crazy was painful. Him atoning for his sins by staying behind in purgatory was hell. Naomi using her dirty mind control tactics to make my favorite angel kill were infuriating. A lot of those feelings were due to the way Sam and especially Dean felt about it. (They do share a more profound bond, after all).

Like many other characters I love, Castiel is devoted to life. He wants to save people, but most of all those he loves. To me, that is a great trait in a character. Castiel is the kind of character that speaks to me because he embodies everything important to me in a socially-unsure package. Wanting to protect his friends, he is fiercely loyal. He values life and begins to see the importance of humanity by spending time with the Winchesters. He turns his back on his angel-family to help his friends and to make the decisions he sees as right. That takes courage few have.

Next season, I am excited to see more Cas-adapting-to-earth moments, especially now that he's human! What are you looking forward to next season, and anything you'd like to add about Castiel?