19

Nineteen is an ugly number.

I'm not wrong on this. Well, at least not wrong within my personal sphere of being. Nineteen just is not an age I feel comfortable at. It's the same way I felt about sixteen. Seventeen, naturally, was the year I spent as a "Dancing Queen," resulting in a fabulous experience.

But NINETEEN? This is frankly a strange number. What am I supposed to do with this? Nothing changes, really, expect that I plant another foot firmly on the terrain of adulthood. (My head is still swimming somewhere in Neverland, though. I'm not sure how long this will last.) In short, I really REALLY don't want to turn nineteen tomorrow.

Alas, here I am spending my last few hours as an eighteen year old writing a blog post about how I don't want to be nineteen.

Reasons why being 19 will suck:

• You still can't drink (I don't want to drink, really, but this still means that i'm at the awkward age where you can't do anything beyond go to Starbucks for fun. And I don't even like Starbucks.)
• You're becoming an adult. That just really blows.
• You generally have less friends.
• You should be out of the house by now, but no one in our generation is really on top of this one.
• People look at you and see an adult. This really just sucks.
• It's not socially acceptable to stay at home and watch Supernatural and write on weekend nights.

Reasons why being 19 might not suck:

• You generally have more freedom to do what you want.
• You have time to do things. (maybe.)
• You can do stuff.
• I really don't know what else to put here. 

All in all, nineteen. Ew.

Crowley 2014

You'd think the King of Hell would be some awful, traitorous, mean, evil dude, but no, that's not the case at all. Instead we have Crowley. The fair, word-keeping, slightly sadistic demon who worked his way up from the dredges of being a lowly crossroads-demon. In 9x10, my love for Crowley only grew.

Crowley is one of my favorite characters in Supernatural, maybe even one of my favorite characters of all time. His idea of torture is waiting in line. He never goes back on a deal. Say what you will about his sadistic tendencies, but he is fair as well as smart. He's helping the Winchesters, not because he likes them, but because he wants to free himself. And they trust him (As Winchester trust goes, it's a lot to set a demon free and let him inside your brother.).

That step, allowing Crowley in Sam to save him, was a desperate one, and Crowley didn't take advantage of their weakness. He held his end of the bargain, helping Sam figure out he was possessed by an angel and kicking him out. How many "bad-guy" Supernatural Characters would do that? Isn't it a little scary that this king-of-hell-demon is actually more honorable than a lot of angels?

When Crowley actually possessed Sam, I was excited beyond belief. Not because I ship them (sorry, I don't!), but because Crowley was helping. I was, however, elated when Crowley saved Sam, appearing in his head and telling him he's possessed by Gadriel. That moment, when Sam realized he killed Kevin, Crowley is there to keep Sam focused on the objective: get Gadriel out. He was shouting to Sam so desperately to kick Gadriel out! He even tells Sam he is not responsible for Kevin's death. Hearing that from someone who isn't Dean or Cas is big, and hearing it from Crowley is bigger. Crowley, after all, does mention more than once how the Winchesters always get their friends killed. But Crowley doesn't bring that up. Instead, he gets Sam to leave, and even punches Gadriel in the face. A powerful angel versus a lowly demon? That's taking a risk.

He's smart. He doesn't let the fact that Sam and Dean have tried to kill him on more than one occasion shadow the situation, because he can compartmentalize. He knows how to survive, and that's to take advantage of opportunity to make deals. After all, he still is a crossroads-demon.

I just love what the writers have done with Crowley this season. The addiction to human blood, the campaign for ruler of hell. He's crafty and smart, probably the smartest, most logical character on the show. He's still hasn't died, right? And as he's said before, he actually doesn't underestimate the Winchesters (reason he is still alive).

Crowley will forever be one of my favorite Supernatural characters, and this most recent episode only solidifies that stance. I am really looking forward to see more of Crowley next Tuesday! I'm anticipating some heavy character development this season...so...

ps: (I honestly can't articulate well right now, so sorry for the jumpy sloppiness of this post...) gif credit to mooseleys.tumblr.com

Addicted to Heroines: Why we need more female characters in video games

Video games are a booming industry. They offer a fresh, interactive platform for storytelling and an easy escape from the drudges of the real world.  While gaming is generally considered a male pass-time, females actually represent 45% of the gaming community. That's nearly half.

That may or may not surprise you. What doesn't follow through with that statistic is that women remain poorly represented in the gaming world.

Many male gamers offer up the excuse that games cater to their greater audience, stating that if more women played, there would be more heroines. Clearly, many women do play video games. Again, almost half of gamers are women. Others will cite that female protagonist simply aren't as complex or interesting. That's just grossly offensive and sexist. FYI: A woman's brain functions just like a normal human being's brain.

After playing through the 2013 Tomb Raider in a matter of days, I was searching racks at the store for another interesting game that features a female lead. I could not find one. I want a protagonist I can connect with. Personally, some hulking man who's wife/mother/girlfriend/sister was killed is not that. I love scrappy, resourceful characters like Mirror's Edge's Faith, who has to save her sister, and Tomb Raider's smart and curious Lara Croft. A game is easier to play when I connect more with the protagonist.

Gaming industries have the male audience. If they want to sell more games, they should branch out, offering a wider array of characters. I've seen too much of this cookie-cutter white macho man. Give the world variety. People of color. Women beyond sex symbols and prostitutes. Diversity in gaming will help them sell more games because more people will feel welcome. Let's admit it, the gaming community doesn't exactly welcome women with open arms.

Some progress has been made, sure. You could say that. But the diversity in gaming protagonists is scarce. As much as I love playing any game that captures my attention, it would be nice to feel a little more represented. And that's just coming from a white girl.

So I ask, would playing as a girl in a video game really make a man feel less manly? I just don't understand the logic behind the lack of female leads.

Choices: Why They're /Surprisingly/ a Personal and Perhaps ExclusionaryThing

I'm not afraid to admit that I'm the quiet type. I prefer Supernatural and LOTR marathons over large parties, I rarely have a problem with staying in on a weekend. I need time to rest up after social interaction. I like solitude. When I have parties, they are small and with like-minded people who are also the quiet type. I'm basically your textbook case introvert, and I've never seen much wrong with that.

Being in college, I still don't see a problem with that. I guess you could say I'm "straight-edge." I don't drink. I don't do drugs. Some of my friends do, but I don't think any less of them for it. I honestly don't judge their choices, because I know they are having fun the way they have fun. I don't have a problem with them.

Until they start to questions my choices.

A lot of my friends went away for college, and they return with tales of drugs, alcohol, and sex. That makes it a little difficult to relate to them, but they were never my closest friends to begin with. Nevertheless, it still irks me to no end to have someone I thought knew me ask if I crave those "college experiences," and try to insinuate that I'm bored and unsatisfied with my life.

Excuse you, whether or not I am satisfied with my life is my own business and my own choice. Personally, I do not need the help of substances to have a good time. Rather, I rely on the interactions with my close friends to create an exciting and stimulating atmosphere.

Sometimes, I think the fact that I attend community college where they don't can give them airs. I've seen it in people I once considered my closest friends. They try to assure me I will have a good time. I don't need to be assured. I can rely on myself for that. Life is what you make of it. Just because I chose to save money by going to Harper, doesn't mean I'm not living fully.

So please, friends, do not tell me I am "the type of person who lives more in the pages of their writing than they do through life," because I might consider not speaking to you again/wanna punch a hole straight through your face.

Why Cloud Atlas is the Most Underrated Film of the Decade

While you may or may not have heard of the movie Cloud Atlas, it is a film worth watching. The film, based off of David Mitchell's novel, came out in 2012, and despite trailers, promotions, and the (practically) all-star cast, it failed to attract a large audience. Oftentimes, the reasons cited were that it is "too complex" or simply "confusing."

That's a fair label to an extent. Cloud Atlas is composed of six separate story-lines, each intersecting in some way with the others. And each story is wildly different. We get period drama, romance, sci-fi, mystery, comedy. Basically anything you can think of, this movie has. By some miracle (or probably brilliance and careful planning), the stories are laid out, intersecting one another. Some endings are sad, most of them are happy. There is a sense of hope woven throughout the film, concluding in the most powerful final scene I have ever witness. I don't want to spoil anything, but the ending. The ending is what makes the movie.

The six stories take place at different points in time on earth. Three in history, one in the present, and two in the future. First, we have the Journal of Adam Ewing, a man on a boat on his way home who befriends a slave. Then comes the bright, young composer Robert Frobisher who is struggling through life while writing letters to his lover Rufus Sixsmith. Luisa Rae's story is a mystery-type. Timothy Cavendish faces financial struggles and gets unwillingly placed in a retirement home by his older, wealthier brother. Sonmi-451 is a clone created to live a short life of servitude, and she begins to discover she can have free thoughts and emotions. The  final story takes place during earth's last days, where some societies have devolved to something more primitive. It follows Zachry and his internal struggles to be a good man.

Another intriguing aspect of the movie is the cast. In each story, each actor appears again to play another character. Since the stories are spread over time, the actor plays a character that develops throughout other lives. Hugo Weaving, however, perpetually plays the villain, acting against the protagonist of the story-line. (At one point, he even becomes an awful female nurse).


I can't write this collection of thoughts on my favorite movie without talking about the music. Piano, orchestra, everything I love.
It blends so well with the scenes. Just thinking about how well this movie is put together makes me tear up. Plus, the more you watch it, the better is gets. And the more sense it makes.


Overall, the movie causes you to question human nature and the like. It's a thought-provoking film that should be given time. Once you finish watching, you'll probably want to just sit there and reflect, maybe talk about it with someone. Still, I'm not saying it's a film for everyone. You either love it or hate it (or remain in that weird indifferent zone).  I highly recommend watching this movie. It is a lovely and inspiring film that can truly show you another perspective on life. Watch the trailer here.