2013 in Review

2013 is drawing to a close, and I have to say it was an eventful year. Not necessarily the best year. But a lot changed. And change is good for everyone, even if it's bad change. Change teaches us etc etc.

This year, I was eighteen (aside from those first 25 days of January). A legal adult! Not yay...because I got jury duty summons...I never wanted to grow up as a kid, but--to my dismay--it's happening. Being eighteen means being stuck in that strange purgatory of too old to do some things because you're bored with them, but not old enough to do others. Choices for activity were very limited this year, as I imagine they will be for the next couple of years.


I finished high school. Graduation. Prom. All those classic rites of passage. Can't get enough of them.

I got closer to my closest friends, though. I even made a couple of new ones! I worked over the summer and picked up a new hobby thing (guitar). I finished another book, wrote a query letter, and tried to send it in to agents. I didn't get a reply, but that's not surprising, It's a competitive market, and while I loved writing this book, I do realize the whole thing stands on shaky legs. (Maybe I should just rewrite it AGAIN?)

I got sucked into Supernatural and spent far too much time on tumblr.

I started college. Community college. Very boring. Around September, the year became less exciting and a little more monotonous. Each passing day I felt the few wisps of hope for the future I was clinging to slip away. That's my fault, I bet. I let it happen.

But then, around finals, I realized I did very well in school. My teachers loved my writing, my poetry, essays, grades. That's a good feeling.

Both my parents seem happier with their lives. Yay!

2014. I hope this year will be better. I plan to be more active and go out more. Let's see how that all pans out. I want to travel a little bit, maybe visit Alaska since I know people moving there. I've always wanted to go there. Hm. What else. I'm not big on thinking ahead...so HAPPY NEW YEAR. I hope the next one's better for everyone!

This is Supposed to be the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

With the holidays approaching, I think it's time to step back, take a deep breath, and be kind to one another. That includes being kind to those who choose to celebrate Christmas their own way.

Recently I have been seeing a lot of posts on Facebook about how people who make Christmas about gifts and family rather than about Jesus are somehow destroying the holiday. I can honestly see where they are coming from. Having been raised as a Polish Roman Catholic, my family was always big on the sobriety of the holiday (at least until the dinner was over). When you see happy Santa elves dancing across your television screen coaxing you into spending money every second of the day, it can be infuriating. It's basically a mockery of what Christmas is traditionally about.

However, those are no grounds to spew hate on a holiday built around love and family. On posts about the controversy of "Christmas" versus "X-mas," I have seen too many hateful comments, usually along the lines of "People who say x-mas should burn in hell" and "Christmas is for true Christians. People who celebrate under false pretenses need to die/burn/stop etc."

Yikes! That is a bit extreme. Especially considering Christmas is not a hateful holiday. (Or it shouldn't be, at least.)

To many people, Christmas is about being with loved ones and taking time to bring happiness to those they are close to. If that isn't how you choose to celebrate, fine. How your neighbor chooses to spend their holiday is no business of yours.

Additionally, to those up in arms about being wished a "Merry Christmas": Why take offence? Unless they mean it spitefully (which I am sure is rare), they are probably just trying to offer your happiness in the best way they know how in this season. The same goes for other holidays.

And some people argue that Christmas has been warped. That today, it is nothing more than a gift exchange. That may be true of some people, but that does not mean they are less of a person than you. Gifts are about thought and consideration. They are meant to make others happy. What about that is negative? Strip away the relentless consumerism, and the holiday remains pure at heart.

Just because someone chooses not to go to midnight mass, they are not worse than you. They are merely choosing to celebrate differently. This holiday is based off the Solstice Yule celebration, older than Jesus, in fact. If you can't embrace the diversity in the world, well...just try to let others be instead of trying to make them feel like shit on a holiday about love and all that lovely stuff.

Regardless, I wish you a happy Christmas, happy holidays, and the most wonderful new year. There's a lot to look forward to. If this post somehow offended you, I offer you this chance to move on and be at peace with the world. Focus on what you want your holiday to be rather than fretting over the customs of friends and strangers.

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug and Apparently the Original Story

Last night, I went to the midnight showing of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (DOS), and this time, I did not make the mistake of entering the cinema with high expectations. This made it easier to cope with what I found lacking or mutilated in the film. Before we begin, I just want to say that DOS was a lot better than An Unexpected Journey. Here's why. (Contains spoilers).

In the first installment of this "Hobbit Trilogy," the focus was mainly on Thorin and Co. being chased down by the orcs, which was not enjoyable at all. Since Azog isn't in Tolkien's version, the true version, of The Hobbit. There were more aspects of DOS that I found enjoyable, so the second was better than the first etc whatever.

For one thing, Elves. A popular race in Middle-earth (albeit not my favorite. I like the ever-underrated race of men), it was good to see them brought back in a fresh setting. We haven't seen much of the wood elves of Mirkwood, and this opened that up to everyone. The design of the kingdom was a little less festive than what I pictured in my head while reading, but it fit with the movie.

Thranduil, portrayed by Lee Pace, is the king of Mirkwood and Legolas' father. I was glad the movie did not try to make him seem evil, because he isn't. He only wants to protect his people, and Thorin is putting them in danger by going on this quest and asking for Thranduil's help. But there is an elf that does help the dwarves. That would be the captain of the guard, Tauriel.

When I first heard about the addition of this female warrior elf, I was skeptical. But I warmed up to her. Tolkien's work does tend to lack in strong female characters, and Tauriel brings that to the film with grace. I'd go as far as to say she is one of my favorite characters in the movie. The one thing that bothered me was the love triangle.

Honestly, who even likes love triangles? DOS teeters on building one between Legolas, Tauriel, and Kili. It seems to hint that Legolas has feelings for Tauriel, Kili for Tauriel, and Tauriel for them both to some extent. This development almost subtracts from the power of Gimli's infatuation with Galadriel and her acceptance of him as a dwarf despite ages of prejudice and racism between elves and dwarves. Also, the friendship between Legolas and Gimli is supposed to be something new and unseen. Having Tauriel and Kili bond diminishes the importance of Legolas and Gimli's friendship. I mean, they sail to the Grey Havens together. That's intense commitment for a dwarf-elf friendship. However, Kili, as we know, will die in the next film, and I'd be willing to bet Tauriel does, too.

Legolas wasn't in the book, but he seems to fit in the film. I appreciate that the writers made him a racist little prince. It stresses the importance of his development throughout the LOTR trilogy. The nod at their future friendship through Leggy's insulting of Gloin's portrait of his child made me laugh and possibly wins the prize for my favorite quip.

The development they added to Bard's character was well thought-out. They built a story and emotional connection for him, strengthening his character.

Like before, I enjoyed Martin Freeman's performance as Bilbo Baggins, but he especially shines through when interacting with Smaug. The scenes inside the gloriously-designed halls of Erebor kept me all scrunched up in my seat.

Smaug himself was stunning. The visuals, the voice. It was all such an improvement from what we saw in the first trailer, which frankly had me worried. The Smaug there looked more like a mutation of Godzilla, whereas the Smaug they used in the movie had the wolfish characteristics Tolkien describes. The special effects were marvelous. All the gold and coins, and the motions of the dragon, it was truly impressive.

But there were things I found underwhelming and even disappointing in the movie. Need I mention Azog again? And the bone-crushingly annoying joke they made of Radagast? When he was described as quiet and reserved in the Silmarillion, I did not picture a madman with bird shit caked to his head.

Additionally, while the scenes in Dol Gildur were enjoyable because of the foreshadowing and threat of Sauron, they seemed lacking in suspense. Gandalf's absence needed explanation in the movie setting, but it it is approached in a disjointed way.

Most confusing of all, though, was Lake Town. Contrast it with the fading splendor of Minas Tirith or the quiet glory of Edoras, and it felt like a shard of glass among feathers. I'm guessing it was supposed to feel off, yes, but Lake Town should have felt a little more Bree-like, not like something out of Harry Potter. It was the Master's house the got to me. The lamps, the paintings, the piles of books. In Gondor we see torches, not chandeliers. I didn't want it to echo Gondor in any way, but Lake town did not feel as if it belonged in Middle-earth, or at least the Middle-earth Peter Jackson constructed in LOTR. I would expect a little bit more consistency.

While I realize The Hobbit has a lighter feel than The Lord of the Rings, the movies felt like they don't quite fit together. Part of that is the coloring. Parts of the movies, certain scenes, felt like an Ugg-clad teen was pasting Instagram filters over the shots. The colors seemed so unreal at some points. For example, Dol Gildur and Mirkwood were washed in surreal blue-teal-greens. It made parts of the movie cheesy. Speaking of cheesy, dare I mention Beorn? He looked like a 70s werewolf, not like something from Tolkien's Middle-earth. Not to mention the fact that his part felt rushed over.

Overall, the thing that disappointed me most was the blatant milking of a classic novel. There is no excuse for splitting The Hobbit into three films. They feel like extra weight, necessary only to make more money off the franchise. And while I do understand that business works like that, it makes me sad to see the original story force-fed with subplots. They're just cramming them down our throats at this point. It was nice to return to Middle-earth, but I can't help but feel it could have been handled in a simpler, more respectful manner.

I only hope the third movie will be better. In a way, I'm looking forward to the deaths of Fili, Kili, and Thorin. It will have an emotional pull to it. Fili and Kili were always my favorites, so hopefully it will have an impact on me.

Merry and Bright (not read in a sarcastic tone)

I've just been having a lovely day, so I want to share it. Here's why it's been great!

I got to leave math class early.

Today, I found out that my geography teacher is exempting me and a few other students from the final because we already have consistent A's. One less thing to study for! So not, I only have to go to school one more time this semester, and that's for my math final!

My poetry final was easy! By easy, I mean I was prepared. And I got my final poetry project grade back. A+! I'm really happy/proud of myself, ok. She likes my writing and how would that not make me happy? She wants me to take her creative comp class next semester, but I can't. (One of my favorite things is when people like my writing. It gives me the best feeling in the world.) So I also submitted to my school's lit mag. :)

I have  three times the amount of money in my checking account than I thought I did. Such a good feeling. I don't feel guilty about going to see a movie now. I really like to see movies in theaters.

There's snow on the ground! I really love when it's cold.

I delivered some letters. One of the most satisfying feelings in the world is sticking envelopes in the mailbox. You can't argue with me there.

I have awesome friends and I really love them. And my family. It's fantastic. I also have let go of some resentment I had against a few people, which is an enormous relief.

And lastly, I am going to see the Hobbit tonight at midnight! (I am prepared to be sorely disappointed again, though. Regardless, midnight premiers are fun!)

I might bake cookies right now. That's how high my spirits are. (A big improvement from a few weeks ago.)

This all just goes to prove that it's the little things, doesn't it?

Sam Winchester Makes Me Cry

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my feelings for Castiel that my concern for other characters is overshadowed. This is not that day. Today, I want to talk about Sam.

Sam Winchester, the boy who grew up believing he was a freak, feeling unclean. Sometimes, he seems to be the bearer of all these problems. First, the psychic abilities that eventually led up to the demon blood addiction and being Lucifer's true vessel. Then he was thrown in the deepest, worst part of hell, and resurfaced broken and missing a soul. He has died countless times, and yet we expect him to carry on after each.

Sam should be dead. I really don't want him to die, but he looks so exhausted. So many terrible things have happened to him, and now there is this business with Gadriel. Let's step away from the guilt dean feels about allowing that thing to possess his brother. Dean is going through a lot, but I really need to talk about Sam.

Sam killed Kevin. Well, we know it was Gadriel, but Sam will have to live with the fact that his face was the last Kevin saw. Like your typical Winchester, Sam harbors a huge load of guilt over everything. Once again, he must suffer through all these terrible awful things every season (and every season it somehow ties back and dumps more guilt on Dean).

 He is possessed by a terrible angel again, and he has to go through an awful process to have that undone: torture by Crowley. Which will not be a pleasant experience for Sam at all.

And worst of all is that Sam kind of wants to die, but Dean won't let him. Which is selfish of Dean, but we don't want Sam to die, either. I just really want all the characters to find happiness by the end of the series. They never have a moment of peace. It breaks my heart.

I just want and entire episode where Sam, Dean, and Cas act normal in the bunker and wear sweaters and drink hot cocoa and decorate a Christmas tree. (I think all the holiday fan art is getting to me).

I'm not saying all I want to, I just can't articulate right now. Thinking about Sam is stressful and exhausting. So I'm just gonna finish up here. Poor Sam Winchester. *cries while trying to remind self it's just a TV show*

On the bright side, Crowley is in the next episode, and so is some semblance of a trench coat on Cas! That will be lovely! And it seems that Team Free Will possibly has a chance at reuniting for sure? But I also highly doubt that because Sam will be angry with Dean on a whole new level (rightly so). But it will be a beautiful episode. I am sure of it.

The only bad part is that we have to wait until January 14th. But it will be great AS LONG AS NO MORE CHARACTER DIE, PLEASE. (I am seething over Kevin's death. It was unexpected.)

Notes for Next Time: Armed Robbers Scare Ten Year Old Girls

I just got home and was greeted by a lovely scattering of dog droppings and no food to eat in house. Not that I have much of an appetite after cleaning the particularly pungent poops. No thanks.

Now, I look after twin girls when they get home from school. Yesterday, there was an armed robbery at the bank across the street from their house. They were wondering what all the sirens were for. Naturally, I told them. Armed robber. They haven't caught him yet.

Ooop. Poor choice on my part.

Suddenly, the trip to the library seems too perilous of a journey, and even the living room is unsafe without an adult by their side. I am guessing I caused their mother a bit of a headache as well, because now precautions have to be taken to avoid this criminal at large.

I tried to convince them that he has probably already fled the country, hauling his sack of money to Brazil. Their mom is busy assuring them he will be caught soon.

Part of me believes that it's a kind of new excitement for them. They like to chatter about this robber and make up scenarios in which he is running from police by hiding on roofs and in forests. But I think it also stole a little bit of the security that they had of their world.

I am kind of wondering if I should have kept that news to myself.