Getting to Know Your Characters: Asking them the right questions

When writing, it's important to have a good sense of your characters as you compose a story, probably even before you begin. Though there are an incredible amount of ways to do this, most depending on the kind of writer you are, it helps to ask your character some basic questions.

These questions sound like they're off a cheesy "questions to ask on a date" site, but they can actually prove quite useful. Picturing your character outside the action in their normal life can help you stay true to them when writing. If you have a strong character, you should know the answer to these questions almost right away (even if your character is in a different world, a fantasy setting, or back in time, try tto place them in the situation where they could answer these questions.)

Questions for your characters:

1. Do you get up early, or do you like to sleep in?
2. What's your favorite time of day? Favorite season?
3. Would you rather go skydiving or scuba diving?
4. Favorite meal of the day?
5. How do you spend a day off?
6. What are you most grateful for?
7. First memory?
8. If you could only spend the rest of your life with one person, who would it be?
9. Books or movies?
10. Do you or have you ever kept a journal?
11. Favorite color?
12. Ideal pet?
13. How many, if any, kids would you want? 
14. On vacation, do you generally like to sit on a beach relaxing or do something active/explore this new place?
15. Books or e-readers?
16. Planes, trains, or cars?
17. What is your favorite memory?
18. What are you most proud of?
19. Favorite subject in school?
20. What drink do you generally order at a bar?
21. Does the cold bother you?
22. If you a month to live, would you rather spend it seeing new things or revisiting places with memories?

This is just the beginning of what you could be asking your characters. Try finding a complete list of questions if your curious for more. Answer them as each of your important characters. Who knows, you could end up discovering something new about them!

What do you think of this list? Thoughts? Have any questions to add? 

#seflie - What's With this Super-Vain Selfie Culture?

Walking around at school, at the store, the mall, I  have noticed an increasing amount of people whip out their phones, front-camera on, and snap a picture of their own face. Just like that. And in public! But no, it doesn't end there. They always proceeded to either post the selfie or complain about it. At that point, I just lose my shit. Oh dear God, no. Not another selfie. My generation is so selfish and disgusting. How dare they. How dare they admire their own faces and have the gall to love themselves. And then to go and flaunt that photo on social media? It's absolutely repulsive.

I take selfies with my cat a lot.

If you can't tell, I'll spell out what's going on here: S-A-R-C-A-S-M

I fully embrace selfie culture. Celebrating self-confidence is powerful. It enables us to appreciate ourselves more, which in turn can empower the individual. Face it, confidence is like the opposite of Harry's invisibility cloak. It makes you stand out in a good way. When I feel good about myself, I feel invincible. When I feel invincible, good things happen. (I'm not saying invincible like Sonic when he gets those spinning sparkles around him. But also kind of like that because sparkles are great.) I think seflies are great.

Admittedly, that was not always the case. Like most millennials, I went through that phase of "I'm not like my peers. I'm mature and cool." I also hated by nose and thick eyebrows (and then people said I have strong eyebrow game, which is a great compliment, so thanks!) I'm pretty much over all that, now. Hell, I'll take a thousand selfies. I'll admit that there are selfies saved in my image galleries, even the awful ones.

Reasons selfies are great:

• Body positivity
• Boost your self-confidence
• Stick it to those companies that try to leech off your insecurities
• Represent yourself
• Allow you to support your peers by complimenting them on their confidence and lovely features
• Promote self-love with conscious effort 

Don't be embarrassed to take selfies. Make whatever expression you want, because, believe it or not, it's actually your face. Your mind controls those muscles. So don't be afraid to duck-face it out or strike that weird pose guys do in their selfies. Don't read those high-and-mighty articles punched out by crusty Gen-Xers. (Ironically it seems that their favorite topic of criticism is the generation they raised.)

A selfie I took a couple days ago. 

I love selfies. I love reading captions that say "I felt pretty today~" or "Bitch, I'm flawless." Hell yeah. You know you're pretty. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't. That includes those magazines.

Plus, we're hardly the first generation to like having pictures of ourselves. As that one tumblr post (that I tried to look for but can't find right now) points out, renaissance portraits are just glorified selfies. Except they had to stand in place for hours and pay tons of money for them. Yeah, who's conceited now?

(That being said, selfies are sometimes commandeered by fetishists and other awful people, so be careful what you put out there!)

What are you throughts on selfies? Do you take selfies, like selfies, share selfies? Have any criticism of selfies?

Midterm Crisis: Time Managing for Stress-Free Exams

It's that time of year. No, not the one with the rotund man in the red suit and all the jolly carols. That's still a few months away. I'm talking midterms, here. The week you get assigned for papers and two exams, and none of it is fun even if you usually enjoy papers (if you're a nerd like me).

Also, the title is a total lie designed to catch your attention. There's no such thing as stress-free when it comes to heaps of exams that count for a too-large-for-comfort portion of your grade. You're gonna sweat, cry, get tension headaches or whatever it is that happens to you when you're feeling the weight of responsibility. I'm here to offer you ways to reduce the stress you feel as midterms approach.

In the stress of midterms, it's hard to take time for yourself. Between long days at school and work topped off with those mounds of studying and essay-writing, there's about as much time to unwind as it takes for Sonic the Hedgehog to run the 100-meter dash. Balancing the different elements of your life can feel a little like trying to fold a pile of laundry with one hand. But there is a way. The secret to surviving it all is Time Management.

Oh no! Before you roll your eyes and exit with the words "Yeah, right. Not this again." dancing behind your teeth, I urge you to consider this: you need to take care of yourself.

Taking care of yourself means getting enough sleep, not working past your limits, and accomplishing what is required of you. Finding a way to do all of these things seems like an impossible feat. Suddenly, you're Tantalus staring at the fruit dangling above your head, ever unable to reach it and quell your hunger. In this case, that food is relaxation.

A nice, clear work space.

Coming home from a long 12-hour day, all I want to do is sit at the table and drink a cup of tea, take a nice-long hour all to myself. And you know what? That's exactly what I do. Allowing myself this break is an act of kindness to myself before diving into the abyss of schoolwork. It is important to know when you deserve a rest so that you don't end up stressing your mind and body. During this period of relaxation, I take out a piece of paper and make a list of priorities. What do I have to study first? How am I going to do that? How much of it will I complete? You shouldn't have to sacrifice too much of your peace-of-mind for school or work.

Once, I'm finished with that soothing ritual, I come up with some kind of mantra like"I'm going to study." I repeat this a few times in my head, affirming it as I head to my room where my empty desk awaits.  This is important: you should have a work space cleared that permits you to focus on what is in front of you. Don't let clutter distract your study-ready mind. It's also important to cut yourself off. Close the door. Disable the internet on your computer (unless you need it for research). Toss your phone on the bed and put it on silent. It's time for serious studying. You need to be able to prevent the natural desire to procrastinate that will inevitably creep into your thoughts.

Then I construct my work space, placing only the material I need at that moment for that subject on my desk. This helps me focus, making sure I don't start to worry about history when I'm studying biology. Then, I get to it. Looking at my list, I start off with my first priority, work on at least most of it, and then move on. Having an organized order to your studying is an immense help. Know what you have to do and when you have to do it takes off the pressure of having too much to do. Once you've completed the chunk of work you've set aside for that day, you should have a little bit of free time to spare. Use it to catch up on you favorite show or something like that.

Also, make sure you get to bed at a reasonable time. You can't relax if you're being bogged down by that cloud of tired in your head. Another tip: go out with a friend at least once, even if it's only an hour-long coffee break. It will take your mind off the struggle and give you a moment to realign yourself. You'll feel more prepared to tackle a load of essays if you've given yourself a nice treat like seeing a friend.

All this sounds like it takes a lot of preparation, but to be honest it only takes a couple of minutes! Sure, it may take a while to find the perfect schedule or method that works for you, but it's out there.

Stay hydrated, everyone!

Donut Mess With My Clique

Friday morning, after a brief discussion about how old is too old for a sleepover, my friend Kim and I decided to make donuts. Well, that's not quite the whole story. We decided to make donuts LAST week, but after spending an hour hunting and foraging through our local Jewel, Target, Walmart, and TJ Maxx, we returned home defeated, resigning ourselves to watching a The Other Woman and indulging in root beer floats. Forced to put off our donut-baking extravaganza, I ended up ordering two pans off Amazon. Having them at hand this weekend, we were able to actually bake 18 delicious donuts.

Pepper investigates the donut-decorating process.

 Now, there are several reasons one should consider baking donuts. 1) They are delicious. 2) They are cute. Seriously. Even the pans look cute and donuts are just cute. 3) Baking donuts is actually somewhat healthier than buying the deep-fried ones from the grocery store or Dunkin's. (Not that this has stopped me from eating donuts before. They're a good treat.) 4) Everyone just likes donuts, okay? If they say they don't, they're probably a liar and you should cut their toxic presence out of your life.

Because I'm a sucker for sprinkles, those were the first kind we made. Sprinkled donuts. Ever since I was a kid, they were the only kind of donut I would eat. Dad would head to our local Spunky Dunkers (which has the best donuts. You can't argue with me on this until you come here and try them) on those rare Sunday mornings and bring in a haul of fatty, sugary rings of dough. A double chocolate for one sister, a sugar raised for the other, a boston creme for my brother, an assortment of others for my parents, and always a sprinkled one for me. I could never resist the white icing speckled with pastel colors. And they always changed the these of the sprinkles depending on the time or year, which was in all honesty the neatest thing. Red and green for Christmas, pink and red hearts for Valentine's, bunnies and egg shapes for Easter, patriotic colors for the fourth, and of course, my favorite, Ghosts and pumpkins and even black cats for Halloween. (I had a serious thing for cats. As obsessions go, it was pretty bad.)

So, here's the recipe we used for the donuts: from Joy the Baker

(We doubled it and ended up being able to make a total of 18 donuts, but here's the basic recipe! We also made white vanilla icing and cinnamon-sugar coating instead of the chocolate icing Joy the Baker uses.)

Brown Butter Baked Doughnuts with Chocolate Glaze

Yield: 6 Doughnuts

For the Doughnuts:

• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 3/4 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
• 1/3 cup granulated sugar
• 3 tablespoons unsalted butter (but we’ll only use 2 tablespoons of browned butter for the recipe)
• 1 large egg
• 1/2 cup buttermilk
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• For the Chocolate Glaze:
• 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
• 4 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
• pinch of salt
• 3 to 4 tablespoons milk
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Place a rack in the upper third of the oven and preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  Lightly grease a doughnut pan and set aside.

In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, nutmeg, and sugar.  Set aside.

In a small saucepan over medium-low heat, melt butter.  Butter will begin to crackle and pop as it melts.  That’s the water melting out of the butter.  Once the water has evaporated the butter will quiet down and begin to brown.  Keep an eye on it, it browns quickly.  The butter will begin to smell nutty.  Remove from heat and immediately transfer browned butter (brown bits and all) to a small bowl.

In a small bowl whisk together egg, buttermilk, and vanilla extract.  Measure out 2 tablespoons of browned butter and whisk into the wet ingredients.

Add the wet ingredients all at once to the dry ingredients.  Stir together until no flour bits remain and all of the ingredients are well combined.  Try not to overmix the batter.  That might create rubbery doughnuts.

Use a small spoon to dollop batter into the prepared pan.  Smooth out and fill each doughnut in the pan three-quarters full with batter.

Place in the oven and bake for 8 to 10 minutes.  Keep an eye on them and try not to over-bake them.  Remove from the oven and allow to cool in the pan before inverting onto a wire rack to cool completely.

While the doughnuts cool, make the glaze.

Once the doughnuts are completely cool, dip top-side-down into the chocolate glaze.  Return to the wire rack and sprinkle with toppings.  Allow to set for about 30 minutes before stacking or serving. Doughnuts are best within 2 days.  

Kim devouring the first donut.

White Vanilla Icing:

• 1 cup of powdered sugar
• 4 tablespoons of milk
• 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract

Mix the ingredients together to a thick glaze. Dip cooled donuts top-down in glaze, then immediately dip glazed portion of donuts into a bowl of sprinkles.

Cinnamon-Sugar Topping:

Mix granulated sugar and cinnamon in a bowl until a warm brown/sandy color is achieved.

Dip the donut in melted butter, then roll in cinnamon-sugar mixture until the donut is completely coated.

The donuts ended up turning out absolutely soft and delicious! They weren't heavy at all like I expected them to be. This assuredly won't be the last time I make donuts. And probably not the last time Kim and I have a sleepover. We've been having them for about 14 years, only now we're going to start calling them "organized crashing-at-my-place" so we seem more /adult/. 

Have you experimented with Baking donuts before? Have any thoughts or tips? Comment below!

Finished product. Try to tell me sprinkled donuts aren't the most adorable thing you've ever seen. It makes them all the more fun to eat!

Alaska

First let me begin by saying that I love mountains. I absolutely adore them. I also happen to live in Illinois. Midwest = no mountains.  It's actually appalling.

This summer, I had the opportunity to visit an old family friend who had just moved to Alaska. I purchased a ticket and made my way up to the Last Frontier, not sure what to expect.

A six hour flight would answer that question.  I landed to mountains on the horizon and a murky daylight the clock said was 9:30 pm. The sun wouldn't set until 11.

Anchorage, the biggest and busiest city in Alaska was small. It resembled one of the bigger Chicago suburbs I am familiar with. There were hotels, shops, and museums.  One thing I found most charming about the city was the absence of sales tax.

Since only 730,000 people inhabit the expansive  state, everything is pretty spread out. For the 663,267 square miles of land, there are only about 15,000 miles of public roads in Alaska. So, it is commonplace to rely on small planes for transportation rather than cars.

Alaska had a heavy air of solitude. Looking out the window of the room I was staying in, I saw mountains. Neighborhoods where I was, just outside of Wasilla, were scattered and small. The beautiful landscape truly overtook the human architecture. I loved the weather. It was often cloudy, a lnd early August brought temperatures in the fifties and sixties. None of this humid and hot nonsense we get near Chicago.

The jumpsuit you feel way more bad-ass than you look.

As for what I did on my trip, I relaxed. I sat outside and wrote. I drank tea. I enjoyed the fresh air and the beauty.

Don't worry. I also went skydiving, hiking, and glacier climbing.

Obviously, falling from a plane over a landscape of mountains was one of the most beautiful sights I've seen. Skydiving may have changed my life, because I find that fewer things scare me. Jumping out of a tiny plane at 11,000 feet can do that to you.

Alaska Skydive Center is the only place to skydive in Alaska, and it was only a short drive from where I was staying. Luckily, my hosts are seasoned jumpers with almost 300 jumps under their parachutes. 

I surprised myself by only experiencing mild jitters. I half expected myself to freak and demand to be landed, but once you're sitting on the plane's foothold and about to fall, there's no going back. That instant you jump, you realize you're falling and there's absolutely nothing around you. It's unforgettable, and now I know I need to find it again. My tandem and I ended up flipping in the because I failed to enter the correct posture right away, but that really only added to the fun. I don't think that will be the last time I skydive.

If you're looking for a wonderful trip to a clean, quiet place, head to Alaska. I know my post is a month after I got back, but it was such an incredible trip that I had to have a whole entire month to reflect slash I was lazy and also busy starting school. My experience in Alaska was one of the best trips I have been on, and I think that one day I could move there.

Supernatural Pre-Season Ten: Hope and Low Expectations

Supernatural's tenth season is premiering in less than a month, so I'd like to congratulate the show on this milestone. The season will feature the show's 200th episode, an impressive number for any television series, let alone a genre exclusive one.


When we left off at the tail of season nine, Castiel's stolen grace was burning him out, Metatron was locked up, and Dean's death resulted in him becoming a demon. This sets up an interesting playing ground for the new season, which is allegedly supposed to focus more on relationships and family bonds rather than a large scale arcing plot.

That is precisely what I am looking forward to about the tenth season. At this point, I follow the show for the characters and their relationships. Having the writers prominently feature this aspect of the story will certainly draw me in. I am especially looking forward to the way Sam and Dean interact now that the elder brother has, as I am sure they will say, "gone dark-side." The promos have successfully gotten my interest bubbling to excitement. (The extended promo can be found here.)

Although I do believe there is much to look forward to, I do not have high expectations for Supernatural season ten. Any show can grow tired, and I fear that Supernatural already has. I hope they don't try to overdo story lines. However, it sounds like they might. Hannah's line "Heaven needs you, Castiel," has been uttered more than once, and it never has a pleasant result. I had the impression that heaven would finally be fine, but apparently not. Let's recycle that old story line like its brand new.

In another note of worry, I'm a little anxious over how the writers will treat Cas this season. Since he's my favorite character and I love his interactions with the boys, I always hate to see him sectioned off.  I think that this season will largely exclude him from intertwining plots and try to create his own arc. That's not necessarily awful, but I don't trust the writers to execute it in a way that will ring with the fan base. In addition to this, there's the romance between him and Hannah that is supposedly blooming. What is that? Angel incest? I'm not sure if I'm interested...If they wanted a romance for Cas, they shouldn't have killed Meg off.

Aside from my apprehensions over Castiel, I am actually very excited to see how Sam and Dean interact. From the promos, it is evident that the boys are not getting along. The Sam-Dean brother dynamic is what first drew me into this show, and I love the way it has developed. They tend to be a little too co-dependent, but hey. That's just their relationship. I wonder how it will evolve this season.

GIF credit to mooseleys.tumblr.com

Dean is somehow best friends with Crowley, which is great, but I'm betting the friendship will be short-lived once Dean finds out whatever Crowley is planning. Because it's Crowley. He most definitely has ulterior motives for his friendship with a Winchester.

Again, I will reinforce my wish that this is the last season. I also hope that, if this does happen to be the final season, they end it in a satisfying way. What I fear most is that this season will take a path that makes me end up hating the show. (I doubt it will!)

What do you think? Will Sam and Dean's relationship change? Will Cas's story somehow tie into the Winchesters'? How do you feel about the romance between angels Castiel and Hannah? Do you agree that this should be the last season? Comment below!

Updates, Upsets, and Blessings

Updates

I have returned! I apologize for my sporadic blogging habits. Over the summer, I tend to neglect my blog. (Bear with me if there are any missing 'T's in his post...my key seems to be sticking!)

Mulder

Now that the school year has resumed, I can finally relax and keep myself sufficiently busy writing papers, seeing friends, and working regularly. Actually, this motivates me to blog more. Probably because there's more to write about!

Here's my summer recap in five words: Sister, Bored, Alaska, Skydiving, Waiting.

The summer has concluded and we've dipped into the fifty-sixty degree weather that I love. I got a kitten last Tuesday, as well! He's adorable, but he's quite the handful, and my cat Pepper isn't enjoying the new company. I've also acquired a new job, which is working out wonderfully.


Upsets

It's been a wild weekend. (It really hasn't. I don't like to leave the house.) However, I did happen to step out of my comfort zone and attend a hot yoga class with my sister Nancy. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the concept, hot yoga is where they heat the room to some outrageous temperature above 100 degrees and make you exercise. Needless to say, it's not my cup of tea. I had to take plenty of breaks. I was basically a big, hot rain cloud of sweat during this class.

After that finished up, I did feel good. Light and energetic, tired in that nice way that tells you you did something. But i will not be going again anytime soon. I'll stick to my half hour to an hour runs, thanks.

After this yoga class, we stopped at Jewel so I could grab dinner. We were in the cracker aisle when a man walked up to us and said something along the lines of "Man, I must be in the beauty aisle!"

My sister and I laughed. I laughed because I had no idea what he was talking about. Make-up products?? These are Wheat Thins and Triscuits. You can find beauty products a few aisles over if you're looking...

Apparently, he was complimenting our looks.

Fine.

What wasn't fine was when he looked us up and down and suggestively said "Damn girl! Uhn!"

No. nOnonononon nooooooooo. At first I laughed because that's my nervous reaction, and I fully processed what he said once he had already passed me--far too closely. After that I felt absoultely disgusted and furious. I was angry with myself for not catching on quicker and telling him off, which is what I would have loved to have done.

I am simply sick of disgusting men who are old enough to be my father acing as if I'm looking at Cheez-Its just so he can look at me. Absolutely not. I'm here for the processed cheese crackers, thanks.

The encounter put me off for the rest of the day.


Blessings

It was the next morning that righted my attitude. I was making my way downtown (Palatine), walking fast...to the Farmer's Market.

A man in black wearing a beret and some kind of silver necklace, which I am guessing denoted him as a religious authority of some kind, climbed out of his car. Almost as he set his foot down on the pavement, he surprised me with his enthusiastic greeting. "Bless you, my child."

Need I explain my nervous laughter again? I giggled and said a quick "hello" back, to which he responded with a joke about his attire. Then I regained my wits and thanked him.

This exchange was a vast contrast to that in the grocery store. I myself am not very religious, but I always appreciate any offering of goodwill. It was enough to change my mood, the warmer feeling extending even into this moment.

Since that brief encounter, I've taken note of the positive things that have happened in my life. I found two perfect blank unlined journals, which is hard to do since I am picky with my writing tools. Even better, one of them happened to be marked with the wrong price. I paid half of what I'd expected to.

It's strange how one small event can impact our outlook on the day, life and society. From here, I hope my week remains positive.  How you face a situation can determine its outcome and the effect it has on your attitude.

A Game of Casting: GOT Season 5 and a Few Reasons I'm Angry

As a fan of George R.R. Martin's series of novels, A Song of Ice and Fire (ASOIAF), I enjoyed HBO's screen adaptation of Westeros, Game of Thrones. The show captured the cold of the North, the intrigue of playing the game, and the fear surrounding what lies Beyond the Wall. However, as I continued to watch David Benioff and D.B. Weiss's adaptation, I noticed small details that deviated from the novel.

Obviously, the show cannot always uphold every detail of the book. I understand that, and I let it pass. However, the show has now graduated from deviating details to full-blown unneeded changes. Suspiciously, some of these changes rob the original story of racial and gender representation.

Among these crimes is leaving out the Lady Stoneheart storyline, cheapening Ygritte's character, and killing off characters like Pyp and Jojen who remain alive and well in the books. I thought, naively, that this would be the worst of it.

Recently, HBO announced season 5 casting. At first, I was ecstatic. Season five is bringing my favorite house, House Martell of Dorne, to the spotlight. I like the Dornish for a number of reasons, but mainly because they value the loves of women just as much as those of men. Evidence of this includes Arianne Martell, first born of Doran Martell and female heir to Dorne.

As such, I was very much looking forward to seeing who they would cast to play her. Only they didn't. Nobody has been cast as Arianne Martell. However, the character who is her unimportant younger brother in the books, Trystane Martell, is being described as "Prince Doran's son and heir to Dorne." There is no mention of the fierce and respected eldest daughter, least of all as heir to Dorne.

I'm guessing that means Arianne, an important figure in the books with her own point-of-view chapters, is being replaced by her younger brother. And for what but the sake of keeping the show male-dominated?

Additionally, Oberyn Martell's--may he rest in peace--daughters, who are referred to as the "Sand Snakes" have been cast. Some of them look surprisingly white for characters from a very southern region of Westeros. This article explains why Dornish culture should not be portrayed as white. That doesn't seem to stop D&D from casting white-passing actors to portray the Martells, including Trystane, robbing people of color representation in the show.

I sincerely hope that Arianne has not been erased from the show, but with D&D running things, I would not be surprised. Learning all this, I can't say I'm really looking forward to the fifth season of Game of Thrones. It's kind of hard to sit by and watch a couple of people butcher a story you love.

Summertime Sadness

Summer is always my least favorite time of year. Yes, it does have its upsides. Warmth. Sunshine. Freetime. Mosquit--oh, wait.

Aside from the icky Illinois bugs, there's an abundance of reasons autumn, winter and spring outrank summer on my list of most-wonderful-times-of-the-year. Namely, summer is boring.

Do not misunderstand. There's plenty to do in the summer (eg. beach, hiking, vacation, hanging out with friends), but when you're not in school and the kids you babysit just got shipped off to India, you can find yourself with a lot of free time on your hands. Quite possibly too much free time. You know what they say about idle hands.

This time-surplus can lead down one of two paths. Productivity or the mires of boredom. The latter is harder to escape than most would have you believe. Once you find yourself beaten into a pattern of loafing around drinking tea, writing, and talking to the sister you haven't seen in three years, it's a challenge to rise out of it.

However, I have compiled a list. The most wonderful list of things to do to prevent this summer boredom.

• Get a new job. I have been unsuccessful thus-far.
• Exercise. This has proven to be my lifeline in this dreary summer. I've started running, and I've already noticed a spike in my energy. So many benefits for a great time-killer.
• Call up some friends. This is when you realize they are in short supply.
• Create something. You've got to be in a special mood for this. Take up a paintbrush. Make too many friendship bracelets. Make a website. Organize your blog.
• Clean. This is another good one. Break a sweat and get some work that needs doing done.
• Play Skyrim. Yes, I have recently re-discovered this magical realm on the PC, and it's amazing. Completing quests gives you just enough illusion of productivity to keep your self-esteem up.
• Drink water. I tend to eat when I'm bored, so this is a good alternative.
• Have a bonfire.
• Sing. I like to do this, even if my voice sounds like tissue paper. Learn a new song on the piano or guitar. Pretend that you're impressive. 
• Blog. Remember that you made one of these. Write on it.
• Window shop. Leave your money at home so you don't tempt yourself, then try on those cute shoes. All of them. (I actually discovered I'm a size 6.5-7 not a 7-8 when I was doing this)
• Go hiking. I love doing this, but living in Palatine can be quite limiting.

I'm sure there are plenty of other answers out there. Any of these options is more productive than re-watching a whole season of Supernatural in a day or shopping for cool boots that you don't need (I didn't buy them!). Hope this helps those who find themselves facing the same summertime affliction. 

In the words of my elementary school year book, HAGS. 

Child at Heart

I return to my blog after a shortish long period of inactivity to discuss an important matter regarding personal happiness and health.

My senior year, I had a fantastic Outdoor Adventure teacher, Mr. Patton, who stressed the importance of remaining childlike. Not childish, but childlike. (There's a difference. One is means throwing shitty tantrums when you don't get your way, and the other is being able to enjoy yourself.)

Too often, my teacher observed, people spend time worrying about embarrassing themselves rather than having fun. Take your average group of happy kids, for example. If you give each of them a balloon, tie it to their shoes, and tell them to run away from other who are trying to pop their balloon while they simultaneously have to pop the other kids' balloons, and you'll find yourself in a room filled with the gleeful screeches of play. (Side note: I was a generally unhappy kid and would not have enjoyed the activity for reasons that remain unknown to me).

On the other hand, if you offer the same situation to adults, even high school students, they will probably accept it reluctantly. I know that our class of 17 and 18 year olds did.

I've been thinking a lot about Mr. Patton's advice after I find myself slowly facing and increasing amount of adult responsibilities. I feel weighed down, more serious. Serious is scary and boring. More frightening is the fact that I find myself succumbing to the thought that being an adult means not having all the fun you could be having.

Today at college, the school had bouncy castles and other activities set up around campus. It was the perfect reminder of my old teacher's advice. If you're with the right people, what does it matter that you look silly? You're having fun, and that is the only thing that matters. You can be an adult with serious responsibilities and still be able to enjoy yourself. Absolutely no negativity has to infect your thoughts. It only will if you let it.

Back to the class's balloon game. It took a while, but after some minutes of stumbling around quite awkwardly, we did end up enjoying ourselves. Even I did, the kid who used to worry too much about everything to ever have fun in group activities. We became less of a group of high school students and more of a group of people having fun. It was great to just let go of the stresses of school and life, even if it was just for an hour.

Everyone, even adults, deserve that break. Laughing, getting your blood pumping, acting silly. It can have a profound impact on your everyday happiness. And what's the point in anything if you're not at least enjoying yourself part of the time? Who says adults have to be boring? Certainly not me.

Generation Disconnect

Lately I've noticed that some of Generation X's favorite topics of discussion are the failures of Generation Y. As a member of this generation, it shouldn't be a surprise that I find this irritating. Some of the points are valid. Yes, No Child Left Behind has skewed our critical thinking and learning processes to some extent. We grew up listening to Barney songs about how special we are, so sure, we're a narcissistic and lazy bunch, not to mention entitled. But some criticisms of our generation are hollow. Their foundation is that we are unlike the past generation, so we must be inferior.

One point of attack would be our utilization of social media. Gen Y has the most access to social media, and most of our peer interaction takes place online. On the surface level, this may appear to be detrimental to social skills. However, social media actually opens up a broad spectrum of easily-accessible information and perspectives.

By communicating with others online, I am able to carry conversations with people across the country. New York, St. Louis, and the reach extends further. Through social media, I have made acquaintance with people (and this does not mean the perpetuated view of 40-year-old creeper, I am talking about people around my age) from Finland, New Zealand, and beyond.  How could digesting so many different, diverse opinions be harmful? This helps our generation have a broader, more accepting view of the world.

In fact, Gen Y is widely considered the most accepting generation as well as the least religious. The latter doesn't have much to do with the former, but take it as you will.

Gen Y graduates, while notorious for returning home after college, face an impossible economy. While unemployment is at a spike, college tuition rates have never been higher. Listening to older generations criticize us for not immediately paying for tuition is painful. Sorry, we have to pay a tad more than $8,000 a year. Many quality schools cost upwards of $40,000 a year these days.

Our generation is different from that of our predecessors, but that is only to be expected. As times change, people must change in response. We can't afford much more cultural lag than we have already, anyway.

If you remain upset over the failures of our generation, I ask you to take a step back and consider some ideas. It wasn't Gen Y that generated these critical shaping mechanisms or supplied us with "unhealthy amounts of pampering." If you consider Gen Y a failure, maybe it is a product of your own generation's failures.

Self-Analysis

Well, here's to procrastination. I have a paper about Christianity and another about GMOs to write, but here I am typing away on my blog. About a subject I don't even like all too much.

I was just talking to my mom and sister about my mother's relationships. She told us her boyfriend likes us, and I disagreed (I honestly do find it hard to believe, that this man would care about us with the way he acts). In any case, that isn't the point. She actually ended up telling me that I intimidate people.

???

This is not how I normally see myself. Intimidating. Of all words, that really surprises me. Gotta admit this label almost appeals to me...But I have a hard time convincing myself it's appropriate.

She says it's because I am difficult to read, which I suppose can be true from some cases. I, however, would not say that's a strength as it has pushed many people away from me. So maybe that's my number two weakness.

Number one weakness would of course be being unable to communicate very well. I just can't bring myself to talk to people. I can't laugh at jokes I don't find funny, and I can't speak to people I don't like. I can barely speak to people I do like! (Unless I know them very well).

I'm currently reevaluating my situation. (Side note, I'd really like to go away for a week...) With spring break coming to a close, I am looking forward to being busy again. I am less motivated when I have less to do. Although I did end up running every other day, I failed to write my current project. At all. I've yet to figure out where that is even headed. Novella? Life arc? Character transformation? Wild spinning into crazy? I have no idea.

Anyway, this is my last blog post of March. And now I really have to write that essay...

The Summoning

Yes. I tricked you with the title of this post. No, I did not experience a traumatic horror-movie-like ordeal today. But it was close.

I got summoned for jury duty.

When I got that ugly, white, too-official-for-my-taste envelope in the mail, I could already feel my stomach churning. Why me?? What did I ever do to deserve such a horrible adult-like responsibility??

Hint: I got older.

I drove there this morning with a hollow feeling in my chest. As i have detailed before, I do not like this whole concept of growing up. But I dragged my Bug into the Third District Circuit Court parking garage at 8:30 in the morning. Parked next to a man clenching official papers and a set of car keys belonging to a blue sedan in his fist. I stepped out into the rain and marched up the steps.

And then I stood by the doorway dumbly not knowing what to do next as people handed over their bags and passed through metal detectors. Honestly, I stood there for about thirty full seconds before a police officer told me which way to go. But when I got lost, they were helpful. Maybe it was because of my pliable, young, innocent appearance (KIDDING), or maybe they just aren't as crabby as I imagined they would be.

And then I got to a room, signed in, and sat at a table for the next six hours, keeping myself entertained with homework, a book, and my journal. And I sat. Watched an old video about jury duty. Sat some more. Waited to be called.

I was never called. No one was.

I am okay with this. I would have hated to miss another day of class because I am a nerd.

All in all, this was a new experience, albeit a boring one. Also somewhat relaxing and even a little interesting. I like to people-watch. I guess I really need to relax. Stop giving myself stress pains and nightmares over things that so many people have to do, things that really aren't a big deal. I suppose I have to grow up, at least for appearance's sake, and doing things like this is part of that.

It's the First Amendment.

Today in history class, I witnessed something horrible. A young man who sits a few seats behind me interjected--rather confidently--in the professors lecture. This isn't irregular. This particular individual loves to prove he knows everything about all things. However, oftentimes his "facts" are misguided, or wrong.

This was one such occasion. Today, I witness a college student claim that separation of church and state is not, in fact, in the Constitution. Nope. According to this kid, it's just an informal guideline written in a letter a long time ago.

I present to you, the First Amendment:  "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof ...."

Simply put, government cannot enforce a religion. It cannot be taught in public schools as fact, and people are allowed to practice whatever religion they desire, free from government intervention. It is a principle this nation was founded on, seeing as how many of the first pilgrims came here seeking freedom to practice their own religions. 

Look, this is so important that it's actually in the very FIRST amendment.

Listening to this guy so confidently tell everyone the Constitution doesn't actually guarantee freedom of religion/separation of church and state made me want to keel over in laughter. Only I held back. That is, until he insinuated that his religion was actually superior to others because the cardinals in the Vatican kiss the rings of Greek Orthodox officials.

Hm. Okay, maybe that's just a gesture of respect. Why on earth would you suggest that your religion is superior in a classroom full of students from varying backgrounds? 

This was not his first comment of this nature, but it was my breaking point. I doubled over (regrettably a little less subtly than I normally would laugh) and quietly laughed a lot.

I've pretty much had it with this guy, who has somehow assured himself that he is 100% correct about everything. There is a healthy amount of pride, but then you get someone like this guys. Hubris is a pretty fitting word on my account.

I wouldn't like to call this person stupid, but...the description is temptingly close.

Redemption

Yes, I am quite aware that my last post was rather mopey, and I apologize. The writing problem is solved, however! I have found the best possible inspiration for my new project: Everyday life. 

That's right. I am leaving my escapist landscapes behind--at least for now. 

This shift is probably influenced by the increasing impact the real world is having on my life. Money, school, jury duty...I'm trying my hand at reality (although I'm probably going to end up pinching it in some way). Honestly, this is probably even partially (or more than partially) inspired by my sociology class.

And i guess this marks the transition. I'm quite pleased with what I've written so far, and that's really more than I can say for what I've been writing these past few months. 

Writing Woes

Stating a new book that I'm not entirely confident of is hard. Especially lately. Something I struggle with a lot personally is feeling adequate. Rarely am I satisfied by my work, and rarely do I feel as if others appreciate what I try to do. Not that it's their job to. It's mine. But I am envious of the support other people receive from their families. 

Writing is very important to me, and I know that doesn't mean I an necessarily good. Still, these stories are what used to keep me going. Now, as I embark on some new journey to some new mess of a situation, I feel almost nothing. I cared about my old characters, but these new ones seem flat. I'm only 3,300 words in, but I can feel that my protagonist doesn't capture much. It's disheartening, and I think I'll start over.

But what bothers me the most about all this is how I've been dealing with these feelings. I lack inspiration to start something new, I have no idea how to even start this latest project. Sure, it happens to everyone. But I feel very lost without my sense of purpose in writing. 

I'll be the first to admit that my last book was weak. That doesn't mean I didn't love it. I savored nearly every second of the characters' interactions. I fell in love with the place I created. But this story just isn't doing that for me. 

I don't want to sound whiny, but I think that may be because I have no one to share this with. Generally I write for my best friend, Kim, who is like a sister to me. But I haven't seen her for months because she is away on a church trip. I also feel bad, looking back for subjecting her to my writing. Which may or may not be a valid feeling. 

Now that I'm very alone in this world of my writing, I feel uninspired. No one except Kim and maybe Eli actually cares about my writing (Eli only because he acknowledges how important it is to me). It's a lonely feeling, but I don't want people to be interested just because I feel that way. I mean, I just feel...sad lately. This may sound selfish, but just sad and tied of hearing how great a writer Adam would be, how interesting Olga's story is. But No one ever even asks to read my stuff. Even if they know I love it. And that it's important to me.  

That's more petty family stuff than anything, perhaps. But I do feel grossly inadequate, like I'm suffocating under this crushing weight of my own personal disappointment in myself. I've lost my teachers who used to help me and find resources for me, the people who actually encouraged me by providing me with great tools, advice, and books, and the one person who actually took the effort and time to read my words and discuss ideas. Shape these small worlds. 

I like to isolate myself. I always have, even as a kid. It's a problem, but I think I'm just too accustomed to not asking people for help or reaching out to them with my ideas... Maybe I have a problem seeing what I have around me? (It's a little selfish of me to wish people would take an interest in what I do, Jeeze, sorry if you read all this...)

Writing used to make me feel so much less alone. But now, I can't write because it makes me feel lonely. I'm just lost, and I really hope I can find some direction soon. Otherwise, I think this whole sad will just get a lot worse.

Supernatural Season 10 Confirmed

gif credit: allthesupernaturalgifs.tumblr.com

First of all: YAYYYYY!!!! THIS IS GREAT NEWS!!!

Now that that's out of the way, I'd like to say I hope this is the last season. I'm a bit anxious over how they'll handle carrying the show on. Supernatural has been on the air for almost nine years now, and that's a long time. Long enough for story lines to be exhausted. Long enough that they have passed over more than a few good chances for a solid ending to the show.

What I'd love to see is the writers bring the Sam/Dean/Cas story to a nice, neat ending with no loose ends. That's quite the idyllic hope, I know. Still, I have a few aspirations as a fan, stories I'd like fulfilled etc. I'm a little nervous the whole series finale just won't live up to the rest of the show. (I know, I need to have more faith! But this is just my worries tugging at me per usual.)

There are those who hope for an apocalypse revival. While seeing Lucifer and Michael again would be great, I do not see this happening. The writers are probably not very eager to completely repeat the cycle of season 5. It's over and done, and they're probably looking for something new. But there are a lot of fans behind this idea, myself (at least partially) included, so perhaps they'll decide to do it.

I'm pretty open to any idea as long as it's good. The end needs to be meaningful, that's all I ask. Something on the caliber of Lost would be best...but that's a lot to ask. So, I present to you a rough idea of my ideal ending:

What I need is for Sam and Dean to die. And if not both of them, then just Dean. (They've hinted at something, at least, by Sam telling Dean he wouldn't try to resurrect him again.) Dean, who is ridden with guilt over so many things, really just needs to rest. So does Sam, but part of me believes Sam would have an easier time of moving on than Dean, as has been the pattern. Having one of them die would also break their unhealthy codependency issues. So let's say it's just Dean who dies.

He needs to die doing something important. Like stopping-the-apocalypse important. This would help him feel important and all that other stuff that Dean needs. He goes to heaven with this lovely scene where he sees everyone again. And I mean everyone. Bobby, Kevin, Pamela, Ash, Ellen, Jo, and everyone else. And then Cas is there, doing that cute angel smile thing (maybe it's the final scene, just the two of them). And you can interpret that as Destiel finally becoming canon. (Also, Castiel is definitely full-angel at this point, but with a better understanding of humans.)

Sam gets to move on with his life. He's good at that. Sam deserves something good, to be recognized as his own, pure person. I need him to be happy. If that means him dying, too, then okay. It's a little bit sucky when we have to watch one of the brothers leading a normal life, but Sam and Dean both wanted one. Sam could live it for both of them.

Before I finish up this shadow of a wish, I'd like to make some requests. Tell us what happened to Chuck. Please make it so that he's God, and things are good in the end. Bring Gabriel back at some point. Samandriel and Balthazar, too, if you feel generous. As for demons, keep Crowley around. That would be great. He's pretty fair as far as being the king of hell goes. And give Meg Masters some kind of recognition. Have Cas find out about her death...or bring her back. This is Supernatural. Don't pretend you can't.

Basically, that's kind of how I'd like to see the show end. And as much as I love Supernatural, I hope that's the end of season 10. Keeping a show on air for too long can really tire it out, and sometimes I think that might already be happening to Supernatural (although I do love season 9 so far).

What are your thoughts? Should the show have ended a long time ago? Do want it to go on a lot longer? How do you want it to end? Share your thoughts below!

P.S. Musical Episode. They can all sing. This needs to happen.

Yuck! Dealing with dumb drama with old friends.

This evening I received a message that put me off. It as from a friend who I'd lost touch with, and the message was essentially accusing me of "dissolving" this person from my life. Since I had struggled through getting over what I considered this toxic friendship, the message really upset me. I had pretty much gotten over this, and here she is stirring up all the icky feelings again.

I decided to respond maturely, explaining to her why I felt we had drifted apart and why I was okay with it. Still, I'm going to admit I felt like shit. I had just come home from hanging out with another friend, explaining to him that I lose a lot of friends through my inability to open up to people. That was partially the cause of the disintegration of my friendship with the girl who messaged me. I wasn't open enough for her, and I paid too much attention to my better friends. Oops? That's kind of mean of me, isn't it?

Well, maybe my wording is, but I think it is part of life that we have very good friends (like Kim and Margaret) and then other friends. And it's a kind of teirage. We cannot be everyone's best friend, correct? So in my opinion getting worked up over the fact that I have other friends who I might be closer to because I've known them longer is silly. Honestly. Really?

The conversation with this old friend really wrecked my mood because she decided to act like a complete *jerk* and then excuse it with "I'm going on a confrontation spree."

Excuse me?

A "confrontation spree" is no excuse to be a bitch.

I offered you my friendship. You can be happy with what I give you, respect my limits, or leave me alone. Do not ask me to give more of myself over to you. I won't. Don't tell me I stopped talking to you after you said we have nothing in common. Don't tell me it's all my fault after you didn't even tell me you were in town for a whole week.

I am aware that I am partially at fault. I don't open up to people very easily. It's my greatest flaw. I can be cold when I'm upset, I'm cold when I believe someone is overreacting. I am loyal to my good friends, and I will not force them to hang out with people they may not like all that much unless it's at a party where everyone can go their separate ways.

If we haven't spoken in months and our last conversation was one in which you told me explicitly that you believe we were never true friends, do not expect me to cower beneath your message. Do not expect me to throw you apologies.

Looking back, I am not sure the two of us were really friends. Not if you tell me I pay too much attention to my best friend and ignore me for days. That friendship was toxic in a way, and I am glad to be out of it. With this message, all that goopy gross mess resurfaced, and now it's just floating on the waves because she decided not to answer my last message.

I was perfectly content to let all of this pass over and forget about it, and it frustrates me to no end that she decided to send that message. I guess I'll just have to get over it again. Writing this helps. I don't mean to come off as mean, but if I do, sorry.

Sick of Feeling Stuck

First, Happy Valentine's Day! Whether you're alone or spending the day with your significant other. Either is a fantastic option. I for one spent my morning with a generous bowl of generic-brand Lucky Charms, the internet, and a handful of gummy bears. There is, of course, the five-page paper I have yet to do looming over me, but I have chosen to ignore it for now.

Carrying on. (As you can probably already tell, this is going to be one of those directionless posts.) I have yet to find a suitable outlet for all this energy. Now that I am unfortunately no longer in outdoor adventure, I have nothing active to do. I feel like I was one of the few kids who actually liked having gym class, but what's not to love about outdoor adventure? Climbing walls, rappelling off the shelf, high ropes course, yoga once a week, team building activities or playground games, and emotional intelligence discussions every week. I miss it a lot. This video is actual footage of Kim and me in class. Exciting stuff!

Now that I no longer have that, I've been searching for some kind of outlet. I went to a few yoga classes with my sister, and while that really makes me feel nice, it just isn't heart-pumping-adrenaline-pushing, which is what I need in my life right now. Running doesn't do it for me, although it can be fun at times. Swimming, I guess I would be willing to try. Except there's the whole matter of actually wearing a swimsuit in front of people. Honestly, that isn't too big of a deal, I just would rather find something else.

Like climbing. I really want to get back to climbing. And hiking. There are not ideal pass-times when you live in the flats of Palatine. Unfortunately, I do not have a state park like Devil's Lake in my backyard, nor can I find a proper climbing gym. This leads me to search elsewhere for a new activity.

Cliff diving? Racecar driving? Kickboxing? Snowboarding? Cannibalism and murder? The possibilities are endless. I need some way to let go of all this pent up energy, maybe something to push at my fears a little. I can feel myself getting stuck in a rut, and it is not a pleasant sensation.

Any ideas? What do you when you want to change your activities up? Feel free to contribute!

Growing

Standing at the white porcelain sink

with stiff foam bristles scraping your teeth,

try to remember the days 

your reflection hovered out of sight. 

Recall swinging your feet 

back and forth and bouncing

from the height of your dinner chair

and try to ask yourself,

is ten minutes long?

Once it seemed like an eternity. 

Listen to a storm's debate.

Thunder and lighting.

Compare them to gods and 

the voices of parents. 

Ask small questions and 

Cling to a small piece of that confidence

from the years we spent as small giants.

Taller, now, we're more afraid.

Growing up is like stepping

on a stair that falls away

and suddenly you're plunging.

It starts with the smell 

of a frozen pizza's bubbling cheese

and waiting alone for your own dinner.

That first time, you'll burn your finger 

on the blistering rack.

You'll have to get your own band-aid. 

Positive Exchange

Chances are, if you are cut off by an angry driver, you'll be ticked off. You get yelled at for being in the way, and you'll want to shout right back. If you're listening to incessant complaining, you'll probably be tempted to pitch in your own woes (It's important to remember that sadness is not a competition). Before you know it, the discontent you encounter on a daily basis affects your mood and effectively ruins your day. You won't be able to help spreading it to others after that.

Negativity breeds negativity. It can't be helped.   When you allow negative attitudes a part in your space, they have a high chance of overrunning your mood. But there's another side to that coin: A positive attitude behaves the same.

I find that when a friend has nothing good to say, it's best to stay away. That sounds harsh, but being in a pissy mood is not something I am a fan of. I love being around people who will marvel at the way how clear the sky is rather than moan over the cold. There is something invigorating about people who smile at the rain, laugh when they slip on the sidewalk, and tell you strange, quirky stories about nothing in particular. 

I'm not talking out people who bury their problems. That is unhealthy, and I would never ask anyone to do that. Still, when small problems with easy solutions are drawn out to tiresome odysseys, I get bored. I get tired. There is little more exhausting than being around a person who has nothing better to do than explain to you in detail how awful every moment of their existence is. 

But there is more to being a little happier than keeping happy people around you. You have to infect others with your positive energy. Go out of your way to smile at a stranger, sincerely ask a store clerk how they are. Even if you are unhappy, you don't have to spread it. Besides, doesn't making someone happy at least coax a small smile out of you?

Happiness seems to work on an law similar to equivalent-exchange. It's pretty simple. Show happiness and you'll receive it. 

19

Nineteen is an ugly number.

I'm not wrong on this. Well, at least not wrong within my personal sphere of being. Nineteen just is not an age I feel comfortable at. It's the same way I felt about sixteen. Seventeen, naturally, was the year I spent as a "Dancing Queen," resulting in a fabulous experience.

But NINETEEN? This is frankly a strange number. What am I supposed to do with this? Nothing changes, really, expect that I plant another foot firmly on the terrain of adulthood. (My head is still swimming somewhere in Neverland, though. I'm not sure how long this will last.) In short, I really REALLY don't want to turn nineteen tomorrow.

Alas, here I am spending my last few hours as an eighteen year old writing a blog post about how I don't want to be nineteen.

Reasons why being 19 will suck:

• You still can't drink (I don't want to drink, really, but this still means that i'm at the awkward age where you can't do anything beyond go to Starbucks for fun. And I don't even like Starbucks.)
• You're becoming an adult. That just really blows.
• You generally have less friends.
• You should be out of the house by now, but no one in our generation is really on top of this one.
• People look at you and see an adult. This really just sucks.
• It's not socially acceptable to stay at home and watch Supernatural and write on weekend nights.

Reasons why being 19 might not suck:

• You generally have more freedom to do what you want.
• You have time to do things. (maybe.)
• You can do stuff.
• I really don't know what else to put here. 

All in all, nineteen. Ew.

Crowley 2014

You'd think the King of Hell would be some awful, traitorous, mean, evil dude, but no, that's not the case at all. Instead we have Crowley. The fair, word-keeping, slightly sadistic demon who worked his way up from the dredges of being a lowly crossroads-demon. In 9x10, my love for Crowley only grew.

Crowley is one of my favorite characters in Supernatural, maybe even one of my favorite characters of all time. His idea of torture is waiting in line. He never goes back on a deal. Say what you will about his sadistic tendencies, but he is fair as well as smart. He's helping the Winchesters, not because he likes them, but because he wants to free himself. And they trust him (As Winchester trust goes, it's a lot to set a demon free and let him inside your brother.).

That step, allowing Crowley in Sam to save him, was a desperate one, and Crowley didn't take advantage of their weakness. He held his end of the bargain, helping Sam figure out he was possessed by an angel and kicking him out. How many "bad-guy" Supernatural Characters would do that? Isn't it a little scary that this king-of-hell-demon is actually more honorable than a lot of angels?

When Crowley actually possessed Sam, I was excited beyond belief. Not because I ship them (sorry, I don't!), but because Crowley was helping. I was, however, elated when Crowley saved Sam, appearing in his head and telling him he's possessed by Gadriel. That moment, when Sam realized he killed Kevin, Crowley is there to keep Sam focused on the objective: get Gadriel out. He was shouting to Sam so desperately to kick Gadriel out! He even tells Sam he is not responsible for Kevin's death. Hearing that from someone who isn't Dean or Cas is big, and hearing it from Crowley is bigger. Crowley, after all, does mention more than once how the Winchesters always get their friends killed. But Crowley doesn't bring that up. Instead, he gets Sam to leave, and even punches Gadriel in the face. A powerful angel versus a lowly demon? That's taking a risk.

He's smart. He doesn't let the fact that Sam and Dean have tried to kill him on more than one occasion shadow the situation, because he can compartmentalize. He knows how to survive, and that's to take advantage of opportunity to make deals. After all, he still is a crossroads-demon.

I just love what the writers have done with Crowley this season. The addiction to human blood, the campaign for ruler of hell. He's crafty and smart, probably the smartest, most logical character on the show. He's still hasn't died, right? And as he's said before, he actually doesn't underestimate the Winchesters (reason he is still alive).

Crowley will forever be one of my favorite Supernatural characters, and this most recent episode only solidifies that stance. I am really looking forward to see more of Crowley next Tuesday! I'm anticipating some heavy character development this season...so...

ps: (I honestly can't articulate well right now, so sorry for the jumpy sloppiness of this post...) gif credit to mooseleys.tumblr.com

Addicted to Heroines: Why we need more female characters in video games

Video games are a booming industry. They offer a fresh, interactive platform for storytelling and an easy escape from the drudges of the real world.  While gaming is generally considered a male pass-time, females actually represent 45% of the gaming community. That's nearly half.

That may or may not surprise you. What doesn't follow through with that statistic is that women remain poorly represented in the gaming world.

Many male gamers offer up the excuse that games cater to their greater audience, stating that if more women played, there would be more heroines. Clearly, many women do play video games. Again, almost half of gamers are women. Others will cite that female protagonist simply aren't as complex or interesting. That's just grossly offensive and sexist. FYI: A woman's brain functions just like a normal human being's brain.

After playing through the 2013 Tomb Raider in a matter of days, I was searching racks at the store for another interesting game that features a female lead. I could not find one. I want a protagonist I can connect with. Personally, some hulking man who's wife/mother/girlfriend/sister was killed is not that. I love scrappy, resourceful characters like Mirror's Edge's Faith, who has to save her sister, and Tomb Raider's smart and curious Lara Croft. A game is easier to play when I connect more with the protagonist.

Gaming industries have the male audience. If they want to sell more games, they should branch out, offering a wider array of characters. I've seen too much of this cookie-cutter white macho man. Give the world variety. People of color. Women beyond sex symbols and prostitutes. Diversity in gaming will help them sell more games because more people will feel welcome. Let's admit it, the gaming community doesn't exactly welcome women with open arms.

Some progress has been made, sure. You could say that. But the diversity in gaming protagonists is scarce. As much as I love playing any game that captures my attention, it would be nice to feel a little more represented. And that's just coming from a white girl.

So I ask, would playing as a girl in a video game really make a man feel less manly? I just don't understand the logic behind the lack of female leads.

Choices: Why They're /Surprisingly/ a Personal and Perhaps ExclusionaryThing

I'm not afraid to admit that I'm the quiet type. I prefer Supernatural and LOTR marathons over large parties, I rarely have a problem with staying in on a weekend. I need time to rest up after social interaction. I like solitude. When I have parties, they are small and with like-minded people who are also the quiet type. I'm basically your textbook case introvert, and I've never seen much wrong with that.

Being in college, I still don't see a problem with that. I guess you could say I'm "straight-edge." I don't drink. I don't do drugs. Some of my friends do, but I don't think any less of them for it. I honestly don't judge their choices, because I know they are having fun the way they have fun. I don't have a problem with them.

Until they start to questions my choices.

A lot of my friends went away for college, and they return with tales of drugs, alcohol, and sex. That makes it a little difficult to relate to them, but they were never my closest friends to begin with. Nevertheless, it still irks me to no end to have someone I thought knew me ask if I crave those "college experiences," and try to insinuate that I'm bored and unsatisfied with my life.

Excuse you, whether or not I am satisfied with my life is my own business and my own choice. Personally, I do not need the help of substances to have a good time. Rather, I rely on the interactions with my close friends to create an exciting and stimulating atmosphere.

Sometimes, I think the fact that I attend community college where they don't can give them airs. I've seen it in people I once considered my closest friends. They try to assure me I will have a good time. I don't need to be assured. I can rely on myself for that. Life is what you make of it. Just because I chose to save money by going to Harper, doesn't mean I'm not living fully.

So please, friends, do not tell me I am "the type of person who lives more in the pages of their writing than they do through life," because I might consider not speaking to you again/wanna punch a hole straight through your face.

Why Cloud Atlas is the Most Underrated Film of the Decade

While you may or may not have heard of the movie Cloud Atlas, it is a film worth watching. The film, based off of David Mitchell's novel, came out in 2012, and despite trailers, promotions, and the (practically) all-star cast, it failed to attract a large audience. Oftentimes, the reasons cited were that it is "too complex" or simply "confusing."

That's a fair label to an extent. Cloud Atlas is composed of six separate story-lines, each intersecting in some way with the others. And each story is wildly different. We get period drama, romance, sci-fi, mystery, comedy. Basically anything you can think of, this movie has. By some miracle (or probably brilliance and careful planning), the stories are laid out, intersecting one another. Some endings are sad, most of them are happy. There is a sense of hope woven throughout the film, concluding in the most powerful final scene I have ever witness. I don't want to spoil anything, but the ending. The ending is what makes the movie.

The six stories take place at different points in time on earth. Three in history, one in the present, and two in the future. First, we have the Journal of Adam Ewing, a man on a boat on his way home who befriends a slave. Then comes the bright, young composer Robert Frobisher who is struggling through life while writing letters to his lover Rufus Sixsmith. Luisa Rae's story is a mystery-type. Timothy Cavendish faces financial struggles and gets unwillingly placed in a retirement home by his older, wealthier brother. Sonmi-451 is a clone created to live a short life of servitude, and she begins to discover she can have free thoughts and emotions. The  final story takes place during earth's last days, where some societies have devolved to something more primitive. It follows Zachry and his internal struggles to be a good man.

Another intriguing aspect of the movie is the cast. In each story, each actor appears again to play another character. Since the stories are spread over time, the actor plays a character that develops throughout other lives. Hugo Weaving, however, perpetually plays the villain, acting against the protagonist of the story-line. (At one point, he even becomes an awful female nurse).


I can't write this collection of thoughts on my favorite movie without talking about the music. Piano, orchestra, everything I love.
It blends so well with the scenes. Just thinking about how well this movie is put together makes me tear up. Plus, the more you watch it, the better is gets. And the more sense it makes.


Overall, the movie causes you to question human nature and the like. It's a thought-provoking film that should be given time. Once you finish watching, you'll probably want to just sit there and reflect, maybe talk about it with someone. Still, I'm not saying it's a film for everyone. You either love it or hate it (or remain in that weird indifferent zone).  I highly recommend watching this movie. It is a lovely and inspiring film that can truly show you another perspective on life. Watch the trailer here.