Yuck! Dealing with dumb drama with old friends.

This evening I received a message that put me off. It as from a friend who I'd lost touch with, and the message was essentially accusing me of "dissolving" this person from my life. Since I had struggled through getting over what I considered this toxic friendship, the message really upset me. I had pretty much gotten over this, and here she is stirring up all the icky feelings again.

I decided to respond maturely, explaining to her why I felt we had drifted apart and why I was okay with it. Still, I'm going to admit I felt like shit. I had just come home from hanging out with another friend, explaining to him that I lose a lot of friends through my inability to open up to people. That was partially the cause of the disintegration of my friendship with the girl who messaged me. I wasn't open enough for her, and I paid too much attention to my better friends. Oops? That's kind of mean of me, isn't it?

Well, maybe my wording is, but I think it is part of life that we have very good friends (like Kim and Margaret) and then other friends. And it's a kind of teirage. We cannot be everyone's best friend, correct? So in my opinion getting worked up over the fact that I have other friends who I might be closer to because I've known them longer is silly. Honestly. Really?

The conversation with this old friend really wrecked my mood because she decided to act like a complete *jerk* and then excuse it with "I'm going on a confrontation spree."

Excuse me?

A "confrontation spree" is no excuse to be a bitch.

I offered you my friendship. You can be happy with what I give you, respect my limits, or leave me alone. Do not ask me to give more of myself over to you. I won't. Don't tell me I stopped talking to you after you said we have nothing in common. Don't tell me it's all my fault after you didn't even tell me you were in town for a whole week.

I am aware that I am partially at fault. I don't open up to people very easily. It's my greatest flaw. I can be cold when I'm upset, I'm cold when I believe someone is overreacting. I am loyal to my good friends, and I will not force them to hang out with people they may not like all that much unless it's at a party where everyone can go their separate ways.

If we haven't spoken in months and our last conversation was one in which you told me explicitly that you believe we were never true friends, do not expect me to cower beneath your message. Do not expect me to throw you apologies.

Looking back, I am not sure the two of us were really friends. Not if you tell me I pay too much attention to my best friend and ignore me for days. That friendship was toxic in a way, and I am glad to be out of it. With this message, all that goopy gross mess resurfaced, and now it's just floating on the waves because she decided not to answer my last message.

I was perfectly content to let all of this pass over and forget about it, and it frustrates me to no end that she decided to send that message. I guess I'll just have to get over it again. Writing this helps. I don't mean to come off as mean, but if I do, sorry.